Last week saw our office block receive its delivery of the Yellow Pages. In the past, the massive mounds of yellow information were quickly snapped up from the foyer, however we have noticed over the past few years that the mountains don’t get moved (where are you when we need you Usher?). A week later and the stack sits as strong as it did on delivery day. It’s blatantly obvious that people are no longer making their fingers do the walking, so we figured we’d list the top 5 ways of getting some use out of the Yellow Pages (as using them for information is pretty much redundant now).
A Monitor Stand
This old standby for how to use the phonebooks has become much more inefficient, as the phone books are now half the size they used to be. Back in the day, you could get away with using a single half of the yellow pages to prop up your monitor/laptop, but now you’ll need everything from A-Z to save the neck cramps. Still, this remains the most practical use for anyone that is dismayed by the senseless culling of trees that is apparent when only 10% of the delivered books seem to get snapped up by building tenants (we’re assuming it’s those with new PCs).
Increase Grip Strength
As much as we all love working on our Captains of Crush and wrist rollers, if you want to demonstrate your grip strength in the office, you’ll need something thick and useless to tear: enter the Yellow Pages. By standing on your desk, tearing phone books and screaming at passers by, you can cement your position as the office grip expert (and also nut job… nobody will touch your lunch in the company fridge again!)
Pulling pranks on room mates that leave their door unlocked
Words can’t begin to describe how awesome this stunt is. Just watch the video.
Of course you must rally the troops afterwards and ensure it all ends up in the recycling and not the rubbish bin.
It’s coming into summer, and the team at E-Web Marketing enjoy a BBQ as much as anyone else. Rather than getting the old gas burner out, how about getting the genuine smoky flavour from a wood grill? Getting these started isn’t always the easiest task, however by tearing up the Yellow Pages, you’ll be able to get any fire started. Tip: Once you’re cooking, try chucking a whole copy on and it’ll burn like a log through the night.
It’s a better read than Twilight
Although The Oatmeal is a little more passionate in their dislike for Twilight, some members of the E-Web team have read Twilight, and wholeheartedly agree that reading the Yellow Pages is more interesting.
Some uses that are no longer so viable:
- Door stop – the books no longer have the weight in them to hold a door open, though torn in half they can still be used as a viable wedge. At least we can at least take solace in the fact that less tress are being killed now.
- Flattening out creased pages – the large, smooth, surface of these books used to serve as an excellent way to flatten out creased pages by placing between A-K and L-Z. But again the weight just isn’t there anymore.
- Finding business services – HA!
I am sure there are many more practical uses for the books – this was just the first list that came to mind. If you are as frustrated as we are to see these stacks of books sitting there on door steps and in foyers – only to inevitably be taken away again and sent who knows where – then please feel free to leave a comment with what you do with the Yellow Pages. Best comment receives an enormous supply of kudos from mother nature.
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